Discernment Is Protection: My Journey Through Spiritual Narcissism and Control

The Illusion of Spiritual Authority

 

Across every spiritual path, there is a truth that often goes unspoken. Not everything labeled as spiritual is healthy, and not everyone speaking in the name of God is aligned with it.

 

Whether someone is raised in a church, enters a traditional practice, or begins a personal journey, most people eventually encounter a space or an individual that appears spiritual on the surface but operates very differently underneath.

 

At first, it may feel structured, guided, or even comforting. Over time, something begins to shift. The experience moves away from clarity and into confusion, away from empowerment and into pressure, away from guidance and into control.

 

This is where discernment becomes key.

 

What Healthy Spirituality Actually Looks Like

 

Healthy spirituality does not strip you of your autonomy. It does not require you to silence your inner voice or ignore your instincts. True spiritual alignment supports your growth, respects your free will, allows, encourages you to think, question, and choose for yourself.

 

It does not collapse your identity into someone else’s authority, and it does not punish you for choosing another path. It sharpens your awareness rather than replacing it.

Spiritual Narcissism and Control

 

On the other side of that is something far more dangerous, often referred to as spiritual narcissism. This is when spirituality is used as a tool for control rather than a path for growth.

 

It can look like someone claiming divine authority in order to override your boundaries, insisting that their voice is the voice of God, or creating an environment where questioning is treated as disobedience. In these situations, fear becomes the foundation. People are made to feel that if they do not comply, something bad will happen, or that their safety, their future, or even their life depends on obedience.

When History Repeats Itself

 

This is not a new phenomenon.

 

History has already shown what happens when spiritual authority is used for control. Figures like Jim Jones claimed divine authority and convinced people to follow them into harm, framing destruction as something spiritual.

 

The pattern remains the same. Authority is claimed, autonomy is removed, and fear is used to maintain power.

When Faith Becomes Transactional

 

What is important to understand is that this dynamic does not only exist in extreme situations. It can also appear in everyday spaces that people trust, including churches and other spiritual communities.

 

There are instances where leaders exploit their congregation by tying spiritual outcomes to financial demands, requiring unusual large lump sums of money under the premise that it is necessary to receive blessings, protection, or guidance. Others go further by speaking fear into people’s lives, claiming to foresee illness or misfortune and attaching a condition to its removal.

 

A genuine connection to the divine should never feel like a negotiation for your safety or your well-being. Giving should come from alignment, not from pressure or fear. The moment your protection, your health, or your future is tied to payment, the situation has moved away from guidance and into manipulation.

The Silencing of Discernment

 

There is something people need to be very clear about when entering any spiritual space.

 

If you are not allowed to ask questions, if curiosity is treated as disrespect, or if discernment is labeled as disobedience, you are not in a safe environment. True spirituality does not fear questions. It does not collapse under scrutiny, and it does not require blind obedience to exist.

 

Spirituality should never override your common sense or your judgment. If something does not feel right in your core, that matters.

When It Becomes Personal

 

In my own experience, in the summer of 2024, I encountered a situation where spirituality was used to justify control and abuse in a very real and dangerous way.

 

Along my journey, I found myself in a spiritual house where a narrative was created about my life that did not align with my own feelings or choices. At one point, I was being pushed toward a relationship that I did not want to be in, and to have children with someone that I did not want to build a life with, regardless of obvious deep incompatibility.

 

At the same time, I was being fed information that was not true about my own life and my own family. I was being told things that were meant to distort my perception and manipulate me into believing that I was unloved, that I was unwanted by my own mother. It was also insinuated on more than one occasion that I was promiscuous or even a sex worker. 

 

These statements were presented as spiritual insight, but in reality, they were merely false projections used to isolate me and break down my sense of self.

 

That kind of messaging does not uplift you. It is designed to create vulnerability.

 

It creates distance between you and the people who genuinely care about you, and it weakens your sense of identity so that you begin to rely more heavily on the very environment that is causing the harm.

 

There were also false narratives created around my character, along with assumptions made about my personal finances, and I was also subjected to bias based on my background and my identity.

 

None of this was rooted in truth.

 

It was rooted in control, projection, and manipulation.

 

When your self-esteem is intentionally undermined in this way, it becomes easier for someone else to step in and attempt to rebuild your identity in a way that serves their own motives, their own biases, and their own sense of authority.

 

When I was honest about how I felt and made it clear that I did not share those feelings, I expected that boundary to be respected.

 

Instead, I was not met with understanding or acceptance.

 

I was slandered, mocked, and defamed. Harm was wished on me, both spiritually and physically.

 

All of this happened because I chose to remain true to myself and could not be “controlled” or deceived.

 

All of it was justified under the claim that this relationship was “destined,” and that it was something that I did not have a choice in, regardless of how I felt, regardless of whether there was any compatibility with this individual physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually.

 

What made the situation even more dangerous is that the individual involved had become influenced to the point where his behavior escalated into forcefulness, stalking, harassment, and violations of my personal space. In environments like this, people can be conditioned to believe things that are not true. They are taught to override logic, ignore clear reality, and accept a narrative simply because it is presented as divine.

 

At that point, it stops being guidance and becomes something else entirely.

 

It becomes manipulation that feeds into delusion, and over time, turns into obsession.

 

And that control is often maintained because there are underlying motives that have nothing to do with your well-being.

 

What followed was not guidance, but pressure, manipulation, and escalation. There were false accusations and behavior that created a situation that could have cost me my life. What made it especially dangerous was not just the actions themselves, but the way spirituality was used to justify them.

 

Respect, Leadership, and Accountability

 

It is also important to understand that while respect for spiritual leaders, or any leaders, should exist, it should not be blind.

 

Respect can be given, but it should also be earned.

 

No one is above correction. No one is above being wrong.

 

And the moment someone believes that their position, their title, or their perceived spiritual abilities place them above accountability, that is no longer leadership. That is ego.

 

True leadership is not about control. It is about guidance.

 

It is about caring about the well-being of the people who entrust you to lead them, not about how it serves you, your ego, your pockets, or your personal beliefs.

 

A true leader meets people where they are. They guide, they support, and they allow people to exercise their own free will. They do not force outcomes, demand blind obedience, or expect trust without earning it.

 

Anything rooted in superiority, control, or self-serving motives is not leadership.

How It Feels When It’s Not Aligned

One of the clearest ways to recognize when something is wrong is not just in what is being said, but in how it leaves you feeling afterward.

 

If you find yourself feeling anxious, unsettled, or fearful, constantly wondering when something negative is going to happen, that is not peace. If you feel financially strained, emotionally trapped, confused, or overwhelmed, that is not alignment.

 

Those feelings are not random. They are signals. They are signs of deceit and manipulation.

Discernment vs. Blind Following

 

There is a very real line between spirituality and losing touch with reality.

 

Spirituality is meant to bring clarity, awareness, and grounding. It is meant to deepen your understanding of yourself and the world around you, not disconnect you from it.

 

But when discernment is removed, and people are taught to follow blindly without question, that line can begin to blur.

 

When people are taught to follow without question, that line can begin to blur and eventually lead to loss, confusion, delusion, and spiritual oppression.

 

When someone is encouraged to ignore their own judgment and accept everything they are told without question, that is not spiritual growth.

 

That is a loss of autonomy.

 

You are meant to think. You are meant to question. You are meant to stay grounded in your awareness.

 

Anything that requires you to disconnect from your own sense of reality in order to follow it is not guiding you.

 

It is leading you away from yourself and into the path of destruction. 

The Environment Reveals the Truth

 

If you are in a space where gossip and slander is normalized, where people discuss others’ personal business, or where so-called spiritual messages are used to justify judgment or harm, that is not a healthy foundation, but a toxic one.

 

No pure alignment exists in an environment like that.

 

So the messages coming from those spaces should be questioned. More often than not, they are not rooted in truth, but in illusions. They reveal corruption within the hearts of the people delivering them, not anything divine.

When Bigotry Is Justified as “Spiritual”

 

Another layer that often goes unspoken is how bigotry can be hidden behind spirituality.

In some spaces, there is clear bias against women. Their voices are minimized, their autonomy is restricted, and their roles are controlled under the justification of “divine order” or tradition.

 

In other cases, it goes even deeper. There are environments where racism, colorism, or ethnic bias are present, but instead of being addressed, they are spiritualized. Harmful beliefs are framed as truth, and discrimination is justified as something sacred.

 

At that point, it is no longer spirituality.

 

It is bigotry and hatred being protected by spiritual language.

 

It is important to make the distinction that human perception and divine truth are not the same.

 

God, the Divine, the Creator is not a discriminator of persons. There is no bias, no favoritism, and no assumption of superiority or inferiority based on gender, race, or identity. 

 

That is not a characteristic of anything holy or divine. That is human.

 

That is a human flaw, a human limitation, and a human projection.

 

Truth does not require the oppression or abuse of others to exist.

 

Anything that devalues, excludes, or diminishes people based on who they are is not aligned with anything pure or divine.

 

And beyond that, it is a direct contradiction of what spirituality is meant to be.

 

Spirituality is meant to elevate you. It is meant to help you grow, expand, and rise above the constraints of the worldly oppression that we all face as beings living here on this earth.

 

But when you enter a space that is supposed to be safe and spiritually liberating, but instead places you in bondage or makes you feel like you deserve to be placed in bondage, that is wickedness.

The Pattern of Greed and Negativity

 

There is also a pattern that becomes very clear when you start paying attention.

 

In spaces that operate from greed, the messaging is often consistently negative. The focus stays on what is wrong, what is coming against you, what is broken, or what needs to be fixed.

 

This creates a cycle where fear is constantly being reinforced. You are made to feel like something is always wrong, and that you need to keep returning in order to resolve it.

 

At the same time, positive information is often delayed, restricted, or made conditional. It can feel like acceptance has a price, like clarity comes after payment, and like peace is something you have to earn.

 

That is not alignment. That is control.

 

When you step back and look at it clearly, the pattern reveals itself. Negativity creates fear. Fear creates dependency. Dependency maintains control. And control is often rooted in greed.

Discernment Is Protection

 

Alignment with the divine is not about submission to another person. It is about your character, your values, and your ability to move with clarity and integrity.

 

You are not meant to abandon your mind in spirituality. You are meant to use it. Discernment is not a weakness. It is protection.

 

If someone tells you that something bad will happen if you do not comply, or that they will harm you if you do not follow their instructions, that is not guidance. That is a threat.

 

You have every right to remove yourself from that situation and protect yourself in real ways.

 

 

A Final Note on Protection

 

If you are someone who is going through this, or if you know someone who is, it is important to take it seriously.

 

Document everything.

 

Document what is said, what is done, what you notice, and what you experience. Keep records of anything that feels important, no matter how small it may seem.

 

Do not confront individuals who are operating from manipulation or control, especially if there is a pattern of escalation.

 

Protect your safety and your peace.

 

If the situation involves threats, harassment, stalking, or any form of violence, contact the proper authorities and file reports. Take the necessary steps to create distance, whether that means blocking communication, changing your number, or removing yourself completely from that environment.

 

Cease contact with anyone connected to that situation if needed.

 

Your safety comes first.

Truth Does Not Require Control

 

At the core of all of this is a simple truth.

 

God, the Divine, the Creator does not require you to abandon your well-being in order to be loved or aligned. Truth does not need your belief in order to exist. It does not become real because you accept it, and it does not become false because you question it.

 

It simply is.

 

When someone becomes angry because you do not believe them, or because you do not want to do what they are telling you to do, it reveals something deeper. It is not about truth. It is about control, and often that control is rooted in the spirit of greed  commonly found within these spiritual environments.

 

A person of good intention does not lead with force. They do not need to threaten you into acceptance, and they do not need to override your autonomy to maintain it.

 

Anything that asks you to abandon yourself in order to follow it is not aligned with your highest good.

 

Your safety, your clarity, and your free will are not obstacles to your spiritual path.

 

They are essential to it.